Some of us, today, often neglect the significance of the sacrament; Repentance and Confession. Often we feel that we can repent, confess and heal ourselves, without having to reveal our weaknesses and passions to another. Some say ‘I confess my sins directly to Christ’. Yet the desert fathers teach us that no one can save themselves! Salvation comes from above, however, via our fellow humans. For this reason the desert fathers in their humility, confessed not only their sins to fellow elders, but even their thoughts. The following account about a young monk and Elder Zeno reveals the importance of confession.
We once visited one of the Fathers and posed the following question:
“Father,
if one is bothered by a certain temptation and, seeing that he is
slowly conquered by it, despite reading many times what the Fathers say
about overcoming the temptation and trying to apply it, does not totally
succeed, what is preferable? That he should reveal his temptation to
one of the Fathers or that he should concern himself with applying what
he has studied and be satisfied in his conscience?”
The Elder answered:
“One
who is embattled by a temptation has the obligation to reveal this
thought of his to someone who has the strength to benefit him. For
support, he should not rely on himself only. For no one is able to help
himself, when he is actually tormented by passions.
To
me," continued the Elder, "the following occurred when I was younger. I
suffered from a spiritual passion and I succumbed to it. I was informed
that Abba Zeno healed many who found themselves in situations like
mine. Therefore, I also decided to go and to reveal to Abba Zeno my
passion; however, Satan hindered me, whispering in my soul high-sounding
thoughts: ‘Since you know what you must do, act according to what you
have studied in books. Why should you go and trouble the Elder?’
As
many times, then, as I would decide to go to visit the Elder and to
reveal to him my temptation, I would feel relief from the onslaught of
that passion. This certainly was the cunning of the Devil, so that I
would not go, since when I would decide not to go, I would again be
possessed by the passion. Now, for a long time the Enemy pulled me
astray, into this trap, not tolerating that I should confess my
temptation to the Elder.
Many
times I would go to the Elder with the decision to tell him my
temptation; however, the Enemy would not let me, because of the
embarrassment which he caused in my heart. 'Since you know,' he would
say in my thoughts 'how you must heal yourself, what is the need to
reveal to someone your passion? Besides, you are not negligent. You know
what the Fathers have said about similar situations.'
"The
Enemy brought all these things into my mind, so that I would not reveal
my passion to the doctor and be healed. The Elder, however, realised
that I was being tormented by temptations. He did not reproach me, but
waited for me to reveal them myself. He also instructed me about the
correct manner of living, and let me depart with his blessing.
Once,
however, after one such visit, while grieving over my miserable
condition, I said to myself: 'How much longer, my miserable soul, will
you go without being healed? Many come to the Elder who live far away
and are healed. Are you not ashamed to have the physician so near, and
yet not be healed?' Therefore, since my heart was warmed by these
thoughts, I arose at once and said to myself: 'I will go to the Elder
and, if I find there no visitors, I will know that it is the Will of God
that I confess to him my thought.' And indeed, going to the cell of the
Elder, I found no one.
"The
Elder, as was his custom, instructed me again about the salvation of
the soul and how it is necessary for a person to be cleansed of shameful
thoughts. (I, from shame, again disclosed nothing to him, and was
getting ready to leave.) Standing up, he blessed me and showed me out,
waking ahead of me to the front door of his cell. Tormented, however, by
the thought of whether or not I should confess my temptations to
the Elder, I walked behind him with hesitating steps. Then the Elder
turned to me and, seeing me thus, tortured by thoughts, tapped me in a
friendly way on the chest and said to me:
"'My son, what is wrong? I am also a man.'
"I felt the words of the Elder open my heart and, falling on my knees, I implored him with tears:
"'Father, take pity on me.'
"What is the matter, my child?' asked the Elder.
"'Do you not know what is wrong?'
"The Elder, as if he knew the secret in my heart, said to me:
"'It is necessary that you say it.'
"At that moment, then, I, with great shame, confessed to him my passion.
"After listening to me, the Elder said:
"Why
were you ashamed to entrust this to me for so long? Perhaps I am not
also a man? Did you just want me to reveal to you what I knew?
Why would you come here for three years already, tormented by these temptations, but without confessing them?'
"After this, deeply moved by him, I fell again on my knees, saying:
"You are right, Father, I beg you now to take pity on me, for the love of the Lord.'
"And again the Elder added graciously:
"'Go. Do not neglect your prayer and criticise no one.'
"Going
back to my cell and busying myself constantly with my prayer, by the
Grace, to be sure, of Christ and through the prayers of the Elder, I was
never again bothered by that passion.
"A
year later, the following thought assailed my mind: 'Perhaps God had
compassion on you because of His mercy alone, and not because of the
Elder.' As soon as this thought came to me, I went immediately to the
Elder's cell, in order to test him. After finding him, I prostrated
before him and said:
"'Father, for the love of God, I implore you to pray for me on account of that temptation which once I confessed to you.'
'The Elder left me on my knees. Then, falling silent for a moment, afterwards said to me:
"'Get up. You should have faith."
"As
soon as I heard this answer, I experienced such shame at that moment
that I wanted the earth to swallow me. And after I rose, I did not have
the strength to face the Elder, but returned to my cell, full of wonder
and astonishment.”
Evergetinos Vol. 1, Hypothesis 20.C.1
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