by Fr. Deacon Charles
Those you spend your time with influence your thinking and behavior.
If you associate with those who share your values, then they will be
reinforced. You want to develop a circle of friends that lifts you up to
higher ideals and to avoid those who negatively influence you. You need
to look for the goodness in others when choosing your friends and
consciously choose who you spend your time with on a regular basis. When
you find others who share your spiritual values then you should find
ways to spend more time with them.
When you are engaged in making changes in your way of life,
you need the support of friends with whom you interact regularly. Seek
out those who are also trying to live an Orthodox way of life, meet with
them, read the same books and discuss them. Share with them in your
times of entertainment as well.
A good way to develop a strong relationship with such people
of like mind and values is to work together for a selfless goal. This
may be a project such as reducing hunger, or working on a Church
function. When you work with others on a project that does not involve
any expectations of reward or recognition you will find that your
energies are multiplied and the synergy of different people is
maximized.
This is the value of the Church community. It is a place
where we all share the same ideals. We come together at least once a
week for common worship. We can participate in Bible study and Sunday
school where we can continue to learn together. We can interact in
social activities as well.
In your spiritual growth you are like a tree seedling. At
first a new seedling needs to be protected in a safe environment and
even fenced off to protect it from the grazing animals. When it matures,
however, it can survive on its own. In the beginning you too need a
safe environment; your emerging Orthodox way of life needs protection.
As you mature spiritually you can then enter into any company and not
fear being uprooted. As your relationship with God grows, you will have
less need for this protection, as you will have the Holy Spirit
supporting you. You then can become a source of protection for a new
emerging seedling.
The Apostle Paul sees our spiritual path as one that involves
struggle and requires endurance. He says, “Let us run with endurance
the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and
perfecter of faith.” He explains that we are involved in a struggle
with our desires and the Spirit, “The sinful nature desires what is
contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful
nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what
you want.” He then shows us that we need to be involved supporting
each other in this struggle. “Therefore, brethren…, by a new and living
way which He consecrated for us… Let us hold fast the confession of our
hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us
consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not
forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of
some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day
approaching.” Our spiritual companionship should be of such a nature
that we can strongly encourage each other.
Who you spend your time with makes a difference. If you
choose wisely, you will get the encouragement you need. If you do not,
you will find you are encouraged to give up the struggle and instead
seek a life of pleasure and self-satisfaction. It is a common saying
that you are known by the company you keep. If you associate with those
who share your values, then those values will be reinforced. When you
associate with those who are also involved in this struggle, their
experiences will give you knowledge and strength. They will help you
expand your vision and you will profit from their experience. Since they
are also spiritual aspirants like you, they will inspire you,
strengthen your resolve, elevate your aim, and enable you to progress
more surely on this difficult path.
In addition to spiritual companionship, the Orthodox
tradition suggests that Christians should have a spiritual father to
guide them on their spiritual journey. This goes back to the earliest
days of Christianity. Saint Paul points to the relationship between a
spiritual guide and his spiritual children. “For though you might have
ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers;
for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.
Therefore I
urge you, imitate me.” He points out that this relationship involves the
imitation of life and character of the spiritual father. Later in the
4th century St. Basil the Great encourages each person to find a
spiritual father “who may serve you as a sure guide in the work of
leading a holy life” and warns that “to say that one does not need
counsel is great pride.” To risk directing your own way is risking that
you will fall prey to the most powerful of all sins: pride. We can all
easily be misled by our own direction and be tempted to think that we
are making great progress, when we are only building up our own ego and
our pride.
Each person needs a spiritual father if he or she is are
sincere in their seeking to do God’s will and growing in faith. The role
of the Orthodox spiritual father is leading seekers along the spiritual
path, helping them conquer their passions, guiding them in ways of
prayer, ascetic disciplines, and participation in the sacraments and
leading them to ultimate union with God.
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