St Zosimas (April 4) was a monk at a certain Palestinian monastery on
the outskirts of Caesarea. Having dwelt at the monastery since his
childhood, he lived there in asceticism until he reached the age of
fifty-three. Then he was disturbed by the thought that he had attained
perfection, and needed no one to instruct him. “Is there a monk anywhere
who can show me some form of asceticism that I have not attained? Is
there anyone who has surpassed me in spiritual sobriety and deeds?”
Suddenly,
an angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Zosimas, you have
struggled valiantly, as far as this is in the power of man. However,
there is no one who is righteous (Rom 3:10). So that you may know how
many other ways lead to salvation, leave your native land, like Abraham
from the house of his father (Gen 12:1), and go to the monastery by the
Jordan.”
Abba Zosimas immediately left the monastery, and following the angel, he went to the Jordan monastery and settled in it.
Here
he met Elders who were adept in contemplation, and also in their
struggles. Never did anyone utter an idle word. Instead, they sang
constantly, and prayed all night long. Abba Zosimas began to imitate the
spiritual activity of the holy monks.
Thus much time passed, and
the holy Forty Day Fast approached. There was a certain custom at the
monastery, which was why God had led St Zosimas there. On the First
Sunday of Great Lent the igumen served the Divine Liturgy, everyone
received the All-Pure Body and Blood of Christ. Afterwards, they went to
the trapeza for a small repast, and then assembled once more in church.
The monks prayed and made prostrations, asking forgiveness one
of another. Then they made a prostration before the igumen and asked his
blessing for the struggle that lay before them. During the Psalm “The
Lord is my Light and my Savior, whom shall I fear? The Lord is defender
of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?” (Ps 26/27:1), they opened the
monastery gate and went off into the wilderness.
Each took with
him as much food as he needed, and went into the desert. When their food
ran out, they ate roots and desert plants. The monks crossed the Jordan
and scattered in various directions, so that no one might see how
another fasted or how they spent their time.
The monks returned
to the monastery on Palm Sunday, each having his own conscience as a
witness of his ascetic struggles. It was a rule of the monastery that no
one asked how anyone else had toiled in the desert.
Abba
Zosimas, according to the custom of the monastery, went deep into the
desert hoping to find someone living there who could benefit him.
He
walked into the wilderness for twenty days and then, when he sang the
Psalms of the Sixth Hour and made the usual prayers. Suddenly, to the
right of the hill where he stood, he saw a human form. He was afraid,
thinking that it might be a demonic apparition. Then he guarded himself
with the Sign of the Cross, which removed his fear. He turned to the
right and saw a form walking southward. The body was black from the
blazing sunlight, and the faded short hair was white like a sheep’s
fleece. Abba Zosimas rejoiced, since he had not seen any living thing
for many days.
The desert-dweller saw Zosimas approaching, and
attempted to flee from him. Abba Zosimas, forgetting his age and
fatigue, quickened his pace. When he was close enough to be heard, he
called out, “Why do you flee from me, a sinful old man? Wait for me, for
the love of God.”
The stranger said to him, “Forgive me, Abba
Zosimas, but I cannot turn and show my face to you. I am a woman, and as
you see, I am naked. If you would grant the request of a sinful woman,
throw me your cloak so I might cover my body, and then I can ask for
your blessing.”
Then Abba Zosimas was terrified, realizing that she could not have called him by name unless she possessed spiritual insight.
Covered
by the cloak, the ascetic turned to Zosimas: “Why do you want to speak
with me, a sinful woman? What did you wish to learn from me, you who
have not shrunk from such great labors?”
Abba Zosimas fell to the
ground and asked for her blessing. She also bowed down before him, and
for a long time they remained on the ground each asking the other to
bless. Finally, the woman ascetic said: “Abba Zosimas, you must bless
and pray, since you are honored with the grace of the priesthood. For
many years you have stood before the holy altar, offering the Holy Gifts
to the Lord.”
These words frightened St Zosimas even more. With
tears he said to her, “O Mother! It is clear that you live with God and
are dead to this world. You have called me by name and recognized me as a
priest, though you have never seen me before. The grace granted you is
apparent, therefore bless me, for the Lord’s sake.”
Yielding
finally to his entreaties, she said, “Blessed is God, Who cares for the
salvation of men.” Abba Zosimas replied, “Amen.” Then they rose to their
feet. The woman ascetic again said to the Elder, “Why have you come,
Father, to me who am a sinner, bereft of every virtue? Apparently, the
grace of the Holy Spirit has brought you to do me a service. But tell me
first, Abba, how do the Christians live, how is the Church guided?”
Abba
Zosimas answered her, “By your holy prayers God has granted the Church
and us all a lasting peace. But fulfill my unworthy request, Mother, and
pray for the whole world and for me a sinner, that my wanderings in the
desert may not be useless.”
The holy ascetic replied, “You, Abba
Zosimas, as a priest, ought to pray for me and for all, for you are
called to do this. However, since we must be obedient, I will do as you
ask.
The saint turned toward the East, and raising her eyes to
heaven and stretching out her hands, she began to pray in a whisper. She
prayed so softly that Abba Zosimas could not hear her words. After a
long time, the Elder looked up and saw her standing in the air more than
a foot above the ground. Seeing this, Zosimas threw himself down on the
ground, weeping and repeating, “Lord, have mercy!”
Then he was
tempted by a thought. He wondered if she might not be a spirit, and if
her prayer could be insincere. At that moment she turned around, lifted
him from the ground and said, “Why do your thoughts confuse you, Abba
Zosimas? I am not an apparition. I am a sinful and unworthy woman,
though I am guarded by holy Baptism.”
Then she made the Sign of
the Cross and said, “May God protect us from the Evil One and his
schemes, for fierce is his struggle against us.” Seeing and hearing
this, the Elder fell at her feet with tears saying, “I beseech you by
Christ our God, do not conceal from me who you are and how you came into
this desert. Tell me everything, so that the wondrous works of God may
be revealed.”
She replied, “It distresses me, Father, to speak to
you about my shameless life. When you hear my story, you might flee
from me, as if from a poisonous snake. But I shall tell you everything,
Father, concealing nothing. However, I exhort you, cease not to pray for
me a sinner, that I may find mercy on the Day of Judgment.
“I
was born in Egypt and when I was twelve years old, I left my parents and
went to Alexandria. There I lost my chastity and gave myself to
unrestrained and insatiable sensuality. For more than seventeen years I
lived like that and I did it all for free. Do not think that I refused
the money because I was rich. I lived in poverty and worked at spinning
flax. To me, life consisted in the satisfaction of my fleshly lust.
“One
summer I saw a crowd of people from Libya and Egypt heading toward the
sea. They were on their way to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Exaltation
of the Holy Cross. I also wanted to sail with them. Since I had no food
or money, I offered my body in payment for my passage. And so I
embarked on the ship.
“Now, Father, believe me, I am very amazed,
that the sea tolerated my wantonness and fornication, that the earth
did not open up its mouth and take me down alive into hell, because I
had ensnared so many souls. I think that God was seeking my repentance.
He did not desire the death of a sinner, but awaited my conversion.
“So I arrived in Jerusalem and spent all the days before the Feast living the same sort of life, and maybe even worse.
“When
the holy Feast of the Exaltation of the Venerable Cross of the Lord
arrived, I went about as before, looking for young men. At daybreak I
saw that everyone was heading to the church, so I went along with the
rest. When the hour of the Holy Elevation drew nigh, I was trying to
enter into the church with all the people. With great effort I came
almost to the doors, and attempted to squeeze inside. Although I stepped
up to the threshold, it was as though some force held me back,
preventing me from entering. I was brushed aside by the crowd, and found
myself standing alone on the porch. I thought that perhaps this
happened because of my womanly weakness. I worked my way into the crowd,
and again I attempted to elbow people aside. However hard I tried, I
could not enter. Just as my feet touched the church threshold, I was
stopped. Others entered the church without difficulty, while I alone was
not allowed in. This happened three or four times. Finally my strength
was exhausted. I went off and stood in a corner of the church portico.
“Then
I realized that it was my sins that prevented me from seeing the
Life-Creating Wood. The grace of the Lord then touched my heart. I wept
and lamented, and I began to beat my breast. Sighing from the depths of
my heart, I saw above me an icon of the Most Holy Theotokos. Turning to
Her, I prayed: “O Lady Virgin, who gave birth in the flesh to God the
Word! I know that I am unworthy to look upon your icon. I rightly
inspire hatred and disgust before your purity, but I know also that God
became Man in order to call sinners to repentance. Help me, O All-Pure
One. Let me enter the church. Allow me to behold the Wood upon which the
Lord was crucified in the flesh, shedding His Blood for the redemption
of sinners, and also for me. Be my witness before Your Son that I will
never defile my body again with the impurity of fornication. As soon as I
have seen the Cross of your Son, I will renounce the world, and go
wherever you lead me.”
“After I had spoken, I felt confidence in
the compassion of the Mother of God, and left the spot where I had been
praying. I joined those entering the church, and no one pushed me back
or prevented me from entering. I went on in fear and trembling, and
entered the holy place.
“Thus I also saw the Mysteries of God,
and how God accepts the penitant. I fell to the holy ground and kissed
it. Then I hastened again to stand before the icon of the Mother of God,
where I had given my vow. Bending my knees before the Virgin Theotokos,
I prayed:
“‘O Lady, you have not rejected my prayer as unworthy.
Glory be to God, Who accepts the repentance of sinners. It is time for
me to fulfill my vow, which you witnessed. Therefore, O Lady, guide me
on the path of repentance.’”
“Then I heard a voice from on high: ‘If you cross the Jordan, you will find glorious rest.’
“I immediately believed that this voice was meant for me, and I cried out to the Mother of God: ‘O Lady, do not forsake me!’
“Then
I left the church portico and started on my journey. A certain man gave
me three coins as I was leaving the church. With them I bought three
loaves of bread, and asked the bread merchant the way to the Jordan.
“It
was nine o’clock when I saw the Cross. At sunset I reached the church
of St John the Baptist on the banks of the Jordan. After praying in the
church, I went down to the Jordan and washed my face and hands in its
water. Then in this same temple of St John the Forerunner I received the
Life-Creating Mysteries of Christ. Then I ate half of one of my loaves
of bread, drank water from the holy Jordan, and slept there that night
on the ground. In the morning I found a small boat and crossed the river
to the opposite shore. Again I prayed that the Mother of God would lead
me where She wished. Then I found myself in this desert.”
Abba Zosimas asked her, “How many years have passed since you began to live in the desert?”
“‘I think,” she replied, “it is forty-seven years since I came from the Holy City.”
Abba Zosimas again asked, “What food do you find here, Mother?”
And
she said, “I had with me two and a half loaves of bread when I crossed
the Jordan. Soon they dried out and hardened Eating a little at a time, I
finished them after a few years.”
Again Abba Zosimas asked, “Is
it possible you have survived for so many years without sickness, and
without suffering in any way from such a complete change?”
“Believe
me, Abba Zosimas,” the woman said, “I spent seventeen years in this
wilderness (after she had spent seventeen years in immorality), fighting
wild beasts: mad desires and passions. When I began to eat bread, I
thought of the meat and fish which I had in abundance in Egypt. I also
missed the wine that I loved so much when I was in the world, while here
I did not even have water. I suffered from thirst and hunger. I also
had a mad desire for lewd songs. I seemed to hear them, disturbing my
heart and my hearing. Weeping and striking myself on the breast, I
remembered the vow I had made. At last I beheld a radiant Light shining
on me from everywhere. After a violent tempest, a lasting calm ensued.
“Abba,
how shall I tell you of the thoughts that urged me on to fornication? A
fire seemed to burn within me, awakening in me the desire for embraces.
Then I would throw myself to the ground and water it with my tears. I
seemed to see the Most Holy Virgin before me, and She seemed to threaten
me for not keeping my vow. I lay face downward day and night upon the
ground, and would not get up until that blessed Light encircled me,
dispelling the evil thoughts that troubled me.
“Thus I lived in
this wilderness for the first seventeen years. Darkness after darkness,
misery after misery stood about me, a sinner. But from that time until
now the Mother of God helps me in everything.”
Abba Zosimas again inquired, “How is it that you require neither food, nor clothing?”
She
answered, “After finishing my bread, I lived on herbs and the things
one finds in the desert. The clothes I had when I crossed over the
Jordan became torn and fell apart. I suffered both from the summer heat,
when the blazing heat fell upon me, and from the winter cold, when I
shivered from the frost. Many times I fell down upon the earth, as
though dead. I struggled with various afflictions and temptations. But
from that time until the present day, the power of God has guarded my
sinful soul and humble body. I was fed and clothed by the all-powerful
word of God, since man does not live by bread alone, but by every word
proceeding from the mouth of God (Dt 8:3, Mt.4:4, Luke 4:4), and those
who have put off the old man (Col 3:9) have no refuge, hiding themselves
in the clefts of the rocks (Job 24:8, Heb 11:38). When I remember from
what evil and from what sins the Lord delivered me, I have imperishible
food for salvation.”
When Abba Zosimas heard that the holy
ascetic quoted the Holy Scripture from memory, from the Books of Moses
and Job and from the Psalms of David, he then asked the woman, “Mother,
have you read the Psalms and other books?”
She smiled at hearing
this question, and answered, “Believe me, I have seen no human face but
yours from the time that I crossed over the Jordan. I never learned from
books. I have never heard anyone read or sing from them. Perhaps the
Word of God, which is alive and acting, teaches man knowledge by itself
(Col 3:16, 1 Thess 2:13). This is the end of my story. As I asked when I
began, I beg you for the sake of the Incarnate Word of God, holy Abba,
pray for me, a sinner.
“Furthermore, I beg you, for the sake of
Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, tell no one what you have heard from
me, until God takes me from this earth. Next year, during Great Lent, do
not cross the Jordan, as is the custom of your monastery.”
Again
Abba Zosimas was amazed, that the practice of his monastery was known
to the holy woman ascetic, although he had not said anything to her
about this.
“Remain at the monastery,” the woman continued. “Even
if you try to leave the monastery, you will not be able to do so. On
Great and Holy Thursday, the day of the Lord’s Last Supper, place the
Life-Creating Body and Blood of Christ our God in a holy vessel, and
bring it to me. Await me on this side of the Jordan, at the edge of the
desert, so that I may receive the Holy Mysteries. And say to Abba John,
the igumen of your community, ‘Look to yourself and your brothers (1 Tim
4:16), for there is much that needs correction. Do not say this to him
now, but when the Lord shall indicate.”
Asking for his prayers, the woman turned and vanished into the depths of the desert.
For
a whole year Elder Zosimas remained silent, not daring to reveal to
anyone what he had seen, and he prayed that the Lord would grant him to
see the holy ascetic once more.
When the first week of Great Lent
came again, St Zosimas was obliged to remain at the monastery because
of sickness. Then he remembered the woman’s prophetic words that he
would not be able to leave the monastery. After several days went by, St
Zosimas was healed of his infirmity, but he remained at the monastery
until Holy Week.
On Holy Thursday, Abba Zosimas did what he had
been ordered to do. He placed some of the Body and Blood of Christ into a
chalice, and some food in a small basket. Then he left the monastery
and went to the Jordan and waited for the ascetic. The saint seemed
tardy, and Abba Zosimas prayed that God would permit him to see the holy
woman.
Finally, he saw her standing on the far side of the
river. Rejoicing, St Zosimas got up and glorified God. Then he wondered
how she could cross the Jordan without a boat. She made the Sign of the
Cross over the water, then she walked on the water and crossed the
Jordan. Abba Zosimas saw her in the moonlight, walking toward him. When
the Elder wanted to make prostration before her, she forbade him, crying
out, “What are you doing, Abba? You are a priest and you carry the Holy
Mysteries of God.”
Reaching the shore, she said to Abba Zosimas,
“Bless me, Father.” He answered her with trembling, astonished at what
he had seen. “Truly God did not lie when he promised that those who
purify themselves will be like Him. Glory to You, O Christ our God, for
showing me through your holy servant, how far I am from perfection.”
The
woman asked him to recite both the Creed and the “Our Father.” When the
prayers were finished, she partook of the Holy Mysteries of Christ.
Then she raised her hands to the heavens and said, “Lord, now let Your
servant depart in peace, for my eyes have seen Your salvation.”
The
saint turned to the Elder and said, “Please, Abba, fulfill another
request. Go now to your monastery, and in a year’s time come to the
place where we first time spoke.”
He said, “If only it were possible for me to follow you and always see your holy face!”
She replied, “For the Lord’s sake, pray for me and remember my wrechedness.”
Again
she made the Sign of the Cross over the Jordan, and walked over the
water as before, and disappeared into the desert. Zosimas returned to
the monastery with joy and terror, reproaching himself because he had
not asked the saint’s name. He hoped to do so the following year.
A
year passed, and Abba Zosimas went into the desert. He reached the
place where he first saw the holy woman ascetic. She lay dead, with arms
folded on her bosom, and her face was turned to the east. Abba Zosimas
washed her feet with his tears and kissed them, not daring to touch
anything else. For a long while he wept over her and sang the customary
Psalms, and said the funeral prayers. He began to wonder whether the
saint would want him to bury her or not. Hardly had he thought this,
when he saw something written on the ground near her head: “Abba
Zosimas, bury on this spot the body of humble Mary. Return to dust what
is dust. Pray to the Lord for me. I reposed on the first day of April,
on the very night of the saving Passion of Christ, after partaking of
the Mystical Supper.”
Reading this note, Abba Zosimas was glad to
learn her name. He then realized that St Mary, after receiving the Holy
Mysteries from his hand, was transported instantaneously to the place
where she died, though it had taken him twenty days to travel that
distance.
Glorifying God, Abba Zosimas said to himself, “It is
time to do what she asks. But how can I dig a grave, with nothing in my
hands?” Then he saw a small piece of wood left by some traveler. He
picked it up and began to dig. The ground was hard and dry, and he could
not dig it. Looking up, Abba Zosimas saw an enormous lion standing by
the saint’s body and licking her feet. Fear gripped the Elder, but he
guarded himself with the Sign of the Cross, believing that he would
remain unharmed through the prayers of the holy woman ascetic. Then the
lion came close to the Elder, showing its friendliness with every
movement. Abba Zosimas commanded the lion to dig the grave, in order to
bury St Mary’s body. At his words, the lion dug a hole deep enough to
bury the body. Then each went his own way. The lion went into the
desert, and Abba Zosimas returned to the monastery, blessing and
praising Christ our God.
Arriving at the monastery, Abba Zosimas
related to the monks and the igumen, what he had seen and heard from St
Mary. All were astonished, hearing about the miracles of God. They
always remembered St Mary with faith and love on the day of her repose.
Abba
John, the igumen of the monastery, heeded the words of St Mary, and
with the help of God corrected the things that were wrong at the
monastery. Abba Zosimas lived a God-pleasing life at the monastery,
reaching nearly a hundred years of age. There he finished his temporal
life, and passed into life eternal.
The monks passed on the life of St Mary of Egypt by word of mouth without writing it down.
“I
however,” says St Sophronius of Jerusalem (March 11), “wrote down the
Life of St Mary of Egypt as I heard it from the holy Fathers. I have
recorded everything, putting the truth above all else.”
“May God,
Who works great miracles and bestows gifts on all who turn to Him in
faith, reward those who hear or read this account, and those who copy
it. May he grant them a blessed portion together with St Mary of Egypt
and with all the saints who have pleased God by their pious thoughts and
works. Let us give glory to God, the Eternal King, that we may find
mercy on the Day of Judgment through our Lord Jesus Christ, to Whom is
due all glory, honor, majesty and worship together with the Unoriginate
Father, and the Most Holy and Life-Creating Spirit, now and ever and
unto ages of ages. Amen.”
Source-Oca.Org
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